I once learned at an art exhibit about sweat, where sweaty t-shirts hung in frames and bubbling orange vats of artificial sweat filled the gallery with the scent of sweaty feet, that our sweat is odorless and doesn’t actually smell until it mixes with the bacteria living on our skin. Maybe everyone already knows this but as I always say I should have paid more attention in science class.
I remembered this fact recently when I was looking at an old photo of real little me and immediately recognized my current self and all my past selves in that five-year-old girl. She was the embodiment of my personality. I saw my brain speeding behind her nervous eyes and tight smile and I noticed my default timidity in the way her fingertips lightly held each other for comfort. I could remember the push and pull of being incredibly shy but loving attention that she felt then, especially because her picture was being taken, and that I feel now. It was all right there. I then sifted through more old pictures, remembering so many other things from being a teen and young(er) adult, and in them I saw less of my true personality and more of something else… the rotten result of trying to morph to fit societal expectations. I reeked of things that didn’t work for me. And my hair! Oh my hair.
I had been looking for photographic evidence of my natural hair color before telling my hairdresser that I would be growing out my roots and forgoing hair dye for the foreseeable future. I wanted to know what I was in for, what my hair looked like before I first bleached it in sixth grade.
It was and is a “mousy” light brown that I’ve come to really miss and I’m excited to embrace it again. Between growing out my hair and embracing my anxious demeanor instead of berating myself to be bolder, louder, different, I’ve decided to make self-acceptance my goal for this fall (and finding a new job that I enjoy). I guess, in a way, I feel ready to break out of my cocoon. It’s been nice in here though. Learned a lot.
Of course, I need to accept every version of myself who have all just been trying (really hard, probably way too hard!) and I can certainly give all of my selves credit for one thing: I’ve always been pretty good about wearing exactly what I want to wear and not conforming to how society wants me to dress, within reason. Clothing has always been my safe place for self-expression. Without it, I lose myself.
My hairdresser said something similar about her fourth-grade daughter, that even though she grows and changes, she still remains the same. Fascinating!
Like almost all life wisdom, it can be applied to our tastes in fashion. Our tastes evolve and grow and change for so many reasons, and thankfully they do, but they also remain the same in a lot of core ways. There’s always going to be something you’re drawn to regardless of its place in the current trend cycle.
I see it in the people around me. My boyfriend Ben gravitates towards green and brown and the kinds of garments worn by an outdoorsy professor. My mom can always be relied on to sport a colorful, embroidered peasant top.
Turtlenecks, to me, are perfect. They were perfect to me in high school, when I probably dressed too much like a secretary and was accused of wearing “grandma clothes.” (In my accusers’ defense, I literally was. I’ve been thrifting!) Turtlenecks have been in for a while now, so everyone else is on board with them too, but they have always been and continue to be core to my style.
For as much as we should encourage our style to change and evolve — and we should because it’s a fun part of life — it’s helpful and ultimately cost-effective to remember your roots, especially when going through a rut. Outfits can express who we are, who we’ve always been and who we’d like to be, all at once.
While we’ve been in an early-October heat wave (depressing!), I’ve been taking notes on how I plan to style my turtlenecks during the upcoming months. I might just wear a turtleneck nearly every day. I’ll be all cocoons and turtlenecks: my version of a butterfly.
I’ll show you more of my turtleneck-based outfits in a future newsletter once the temperature drops and my large Ikea mirror is delivered (more fit pics are in our future). But in the meantime, I’ll share my neck-warming blueprint:
Thanks for reading! xx 🐢
Francesca
A beautiful self reflection! Also the turtle neck t shift combo is a fav of mine